A Year in Review and a Little Mickey Mouse

I've been struggling to write this post for over a week. That's probably not typical of a parent when thinking of their child's first birthday, but since when was anything about Layla's birth typical?! The past year has been amazing and challenging and heartbreaking.

I have absolutely loved every moment I have spent with Layla. She is so very special and precious. Watching her grow and learn has been amazing! I had no idea the joy that came with mommyhood. I could not ask for a better job! At the same time, being a mom is HARD WORK! I have never appreciated my own mom more! Things are obviously not as difficult as they were last October when I was recovering from surgery and dealing with a brand new baby, but there are new challenges. Every new phase that she goes through brings new learning experiences for Layla, Matthew and I. Raising a child is an ever changing adventure.

At the same time that I am thankful for all of these wonderful experiences that the past year has brought, I have also spent a lot of time thinking about the day she was born. Things just went so terribly wrong and I feel robbed in so many ways. Not only did I lose my ability to ever carry another baby, but I also missed out on so much in the first few hours, days and weeks of Layla's life. I didn't get to hold her after her birth, we didn't get that special time together to bond and I didn't get to care for her the way I desperately wanted to. I find it all very frustrating, even a year later. Another aspect that is frustrating is that after thinking long and hard about our family, Matthew and I agree that we would like to have more children, but it won't come easy or cheap. We will have to jump through incredible hoops and pay more than I could have ever imagined to expand our family. It was a hard pill to swallow and I struggle with that fact every day.

Though these things did happen and it can't be changed, I try not to dwell on it. I am so amazingly thrilled with our life with Layla and and I could not ask for more in my husband and daughter. They are most important to me and my life would simply not be complete without them!

So drama and emotion aside, Layla's first birthday was spectacular! My mom, step-dad and sister and Matt's parents all came out to celebrate with us. On her actual birthday, we had cupcakes and opened some presents. Layla had her first taste of chocolate (and sugar for that matter) and loved it! Then the following weekend we had a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse themed party. It was lots of friends, family and Mickey Mouse! Layla handled it all pretty well considering she was going without a nap...risky business with a child that still REQUIRES two naps a day. She opened her presents and played with the kids and of course there was the cake! Basically, she learned that birthdays = delicious frosting! The whole day was a lot of fun and I was so proud of my little pumpkin. She's just growing up (into a beautiful little person) way too fast!