The last month has been a blur. I have been working hard on my own physical recovery, learning to be a mom and dealing with the incredible emotional pain of the loss of future pregnancies. The physical recovery is frustrating. I am thrilled to be back at home in my own house, but at the same time there is so much that I want to be able to do that I still am not ready for. I can deal with leaving the housework to Matthew and my mom, but it's very upsetting that I cannot stand long enough to soothe my crying baby. I know it will happen eventually, but tell that to her sweet little face when all she wants is to be bounced around for a few minutes to help her quiet down.
Layla is a wonderful addition to our family and I could not ask for more in a daughter. She is adorable and has a very sweet personality. I see so much of myself and Matthew in her. It is amazing to both of us that she is growing so well and thriving considering how difficult her birth was on me. We feel so very blessed. I am adjusting to the fact that this little person depends on me for everything and having my mom here has been so great! There have been many times that Matt and I just look at each other completely clueless as to what to do next and my mom has been there to guide us or give us a much needed break. Matt returned to work this week and that has not been easy on him or us but I'm sure we will adjust eventually.
The emotional part of recovery has been most difficult for me. I don't know if that would be the case for anyone in my situation or if it's just that I am a relatively non-emotional person and crying on a daily basis is hard. It hits me at the most random times and sometimes for no reason at all. I find that being around pregnant women is very painful as are trips to the doctor where pregnancy is everywhere. I find that I swing from being sad to angry to frustrated and sometimes all three at the same time. It is a hard thing to deal but I know I'll make it through, I would just rather it happen sooner than later. I could not have made it this far without the love and support of our family and friends. I feel so blessed to have these people in our lives and love them all very much.
Here's hoping for continued recovery on all fronts.
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