Sure You Can Have a Family...But It'll Cost You.

It has been a long road and a full year of discussion, but Matthew and I have come to the conclusion that we would like to continue to expand our family. We are so enjoying Layla that we don't want this to be our only opportunity to raise a child. I suppose this decision was inevitable considering that we had originally planned on 4 children. We also want Layla to know the special relationship of siblings. It is something she will not find anywhere else.

The fact that I lost my ability to conceive or carry any more children naturally, is obviously devastating for me, someone who so loved being pregnant. However, I am in the unique position, that I'm young, I still have my ovaries and I have already easily, conceived and given birth to a healthy baby. In the reproductive world this means wonderful things. It means that I can have more biological children fairly easily, assuming we have an appropriate surrogate. This is not the typical scenario for most people facing reproductive challenges.

Our other option is to adopt a child. This is an option that is always available to everyone facing reproductive/fertility problems and it is a wonderful option. However, what people don't realize is that it can be exceptionally costly depending on where you adopt, how you adopt and who you adopt. It's not what I would call easy...

We have been spending a lot of time doing research and weighing our options and during this process, I have learned a lot. I have learned about all of medical and legal aspects, but also about a facet that I never even considered having to deal with...the taboo that is associated with adoption and reproductive assistance. In my humble opinion, the most amazing gift in the world is a child and if these organizations can help bring a child into the lives of those that so want them, then there is nothing better! I just do not understand people that find anything wrong with using the amazing medical technology that we have available to us to conceive or taking in a child that so desperately needs a home. Somehow though, these practices have been slapped with a stigma, that result in quizzical looks, unsupportive mumblings or outright disapproval. What's that about?!

After all of our research and learning that no one option is easier or better than the other, Matt and I have decided that what is best for us, would be to attempt to have another child with the help of a surrogate. So to put it plainly: my egg, Matt's sperm and someone else's oven. With this process we will first need to find the right surrogate(a monumental task in itself) and then I will need to go through IVF treatment to retrieve my eggs in order to make the embryos with Matt's best swimmers and implant them into a surrogate.

Along with all of that, we have the displeasure of dealing with the insurance company. Granted, I will say that when we were dealing with all of my complications from giving birth, I was so very thankful to have good insurance coverage and an insurance company that did not make dealing with all of those bills a nightmare. Matthew and I actually paid very little out of pocket for what ended up costing well over $100,000. However, the loopholes that the insurance company has at it's disposal to avoid covering things such as infertility are ridiculous! Under our plan there is great coverage for many infertility treatments (which, just about anyone could guess, is very costly). The problem is that there are two exceptions, one: if you have been voluntarily sterilized(duh, that is kind of obvious) and two: if you have had a hysterectomy. This is where I have a HUGE problem. As most people familiar with my situation know, my uterus was removed during my c-section as a result of uncontrollable bleeding. The doctor could either remove my uterus or I would have bled to death. It was devastating, but I am very thankful that I am still here.

This is something that is not allowed, according to the insurance company. I have been rejected for coverage. Fortunately, there is an appeals process and I fully intend to appeal this as I feel my situation does not fall under their blanket rule of "no coverage if you've had a hysterectomy." I certainly did not choose this for myself. Here's hoping that they will see how important this is to us and help to make our dream of more children come true. There are good people in the insurance business, right?!

A Year in Review and a Little Mickey Mouse

I've been struggling to write this post for over a week. That's probably not typical of a parent when thinking of their child's first birthday, but since when was anything about Layla's birth typical?! The past year has been amazing and challenging and heartbreaking.

I have absolutely loved every moment I have spent with Layla. She is so very special and precious. Watching her grow and learn has been amazing! I had no idea the joy that came with mommyhood. I could not ask for a better job! At the same time, being a mom is HARD WORK! I have never appreciated my own mom more! Things are obviously not as difficult as they were last October when I was recovering from surgery and dealing with a brand new baby, but there are new challenges. Every new phase that she goes through brings new learning experiences for Layla, Matthew and I. Raising a child is an ever changing adventure.

At the same time that I am thankful for all of these wonderful experiences that the past year has brought, I have also spent a lot of time thinking about the day she was born. Things just went so terribly wrong and I feel robbed in so many ways. Not only did I lose my ability to ever carry another baby, but I also missed out on so much in the first few hours, days and weeks of Layla's life. I didn't get to hold her after her birth, we didn't get that special time together to bond and I didn't get to care for her the way I desperately wanted to. I find it all very frustrating, even a year later. Another aspect that is frustrating is that after thinking long and hard about our family, Matthew and I agree that we would like to have more children, but it won't come easy or cheap. We will have to jump through incredible hoops and pay more than I could have ever imagined to expand our family. It was a hard pill to swallow and I struggle with that fact every day.

Though these things did happen and it can't be changed, I try not to dwell on it. I am so amazingly thrilled with our life with Layla and and I could not ask for more in my husband and daughter. They are most important to me and my life would simply not be complete without them!

So drama and emotion aside, Layla's first birthday was spectacular! My mom, step-dad and sister and Matt's parents all came out to celebrate with us. On her actual birthday, we had cupcakes and opened some presents. Layla had her first taste of chocolate (and sugar for that matter) and loved it! Then the following weekend we had a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse themed party. It was lots of friends, family and Mickey Mouse! Layla handled it all pretty well considering she was going without a nap...risky business with a child that still REQUIRES two naps a day. She opened her presents and played with the kids and of course there was the cake! Basically, she learned that birthdays = delicious frosting! The whole day was a lot of fun and I was so proud of my little pumpkin. She's just growing up (into a beautiful little person) way too fast!

Kindermusik, It's All the Rage!

It has definitely been a busy end of Summer and beginning of Fall, but what I've been busy with, I could not tell you because honestly, I've done a whole lot of nothing! Well, of course, besides that whole child-rearing job I've got going on.

Layla is becoming more of toddler and less of a baby every single day and it is hard to keep up, not to mention completely heartbreaking! She is now cruising along furniture and clapping her hands. She also waves at every person and animal that crosses her path. Her blue eyes and long eyelashes draw comments from everyone she meets as well and I think she really likes the attention. She has become somewhat of a picky eater but loves just about every dairy product she is allowed to eat, specifically cheese (she is totally our kid)! Layla has also started saying Dada and for a while that was the only thing she would say (to Matt's delight, I'm sure). We still have not heard even a hint of other words but that's ok, I'm enjoying the time that I have left before I start hearing "no" thrown back at me :)

We recently began attending Kindermusik classes and for those who don't know it is basically just a Mommy and Me class where you sing and dance and act silly with your little one in front of a bunch of other mom's and babies who are singing and dancing and being silly. Layla has never spent much time with other kids her age so it was really fun to watch her interact with a room full of babies. She was pretty shy at first and did not want to get off my lap. She just sat quietly and observed everyone else. As the weeks have gone on she has opened up a bit and tries to pet every kid in the room. She is pretty funny and seems to really enjoy the class. My favorite part of course is where the mom's get to lay down for an entire song and the babies can do there own thing. While all of the other babies are crawling all over the place or attacking each other, my sweet angel just lays her head down on my chest and cuddles, it's too adorable!

The only downside to this new experience for Layla is we have now entered the world of snot-nosed kids. Every week of class has resulted in a new virus for Layla and our family. The first week brought roseola for Layla so she was pretty miserable for a few days with fever and then a rash. Once she was over that, I picked up a cold in class and of course passed it on to Layla. Matt has it now, just in time for his birthday...yay for baby classes!

Other than that all is well with the pumpkin. Her first birthday is right around the corner so I've spent all of my time prepping for the party, but more on that later...

I Swear My Belly Button Moved!

Ok, so apparently it's like "mom code" that you don't tell first time mom's what to expect, really about anything. It's funny because as soon as you announce your pregnancy, you are bombarded with unwanted advice and horror stories about anything and everything pertaining to your baby and your body. Really though, none of that is helpful and doesn't mean much in the end. In my own (ridiculously insane) experience, the things that matter are never related to you until after it happens and then all of these experienced mom's are like "oh yeah, that happens...sucks doesn't it"...thanks a lot!

Well I have decided that there are just a few things that need to be broken wide open. The most important being...YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME EVER AGAIN! I mean this in every sense of your being. Your body, mind and soul will forever be mutated into something completely different. Of course, this does not pertain to everyone, there are those freak women out there that bounce right back to their pre-baby body and others who really have no emotional connection to their children and therefore are not effected by what happens to them and go on as if they didn't just bring a new life into this world, but those are not the women I speak of.

I knew that I would gain weight going through a pregnancy and of course I knew I could lose it again(I am blessed with a high metabolism), however I did not anticipate that the shape of my body would change, but it certainly did! I've got more hips than I know what to do with and somehow, as a result of my c-section, my BELLY BUTTON MOVED! It has got to be at least half an inch higher than it was originally! I thought I was just crazy until I mentioned it to Matt and he said he noticed that too. Someone want to explain to me how that even happens and why no one told me it could?! I feel like I look completely awkward now, I wonder if there are belly button plastic surgeons out there that can do a belly button relocation for me? But I digress...

Of course I also did not realize how much I would change as a person. It is amazing how fully a child of your own can affect your life. Everyone tells you about how you will learn to multitask and sacrifice for your children, but no one really mentions that this tiny little person is all consuming of your heart and soul and therefore your whole outlook on life changes. Petty things like friend/family drama, what to do with the spare room, or when you'll get around to cleaning out the garage, seem so insignificant. It is all about the baby and making sure that he/she is happy and safe and healthy. Everything else easily takes a backseat to your child. I, of course, am perfectly happy with this and it is a huge comfort to me to know that Matt is as well. I feel very fortunate to have such a loving, wonderful husband, who is an incredibly involved Dad. Yay Matthew!

So though there are changes and things that I was unaware of (some more pleasant than others), as mothers, we take it all in stride, pretty much because we have no choice, but also because it is amazing!

PS Layla is now 10 months old (more on her recent milestones later) and has started the ear piercing, screaming for fun phase...After doing some research on the best way to handle it, I have decided to invest in a good pair of earplugs, the neighbors are SOL!!! :)

Family Roadtrip, Sure! Wait, Are We Driving?

I had the brilliant idea that Matthew, Layla and I should take our first family vacation to upstate New York to meet up with the rest of my family at my Great Grandma's house. This was of course easier said than done and I should have realized that when I started looking for flights. First of all, we wanted to go around the Fourth of July and all of those flights proved to be very expensive with incredibly inconvenient layovers. The goal was to make the journey from one end of the country to the other as easy on our little pumpkin as possible, however, that was apparently not in the cards for us...

We ended up booking a flight to Chicago and then decided to drive from Chicago to New York with my sister. We were excited at the prospect of a roadtrip included in our vacation and since Layla is such an experienced traveler going back and forth from Seattle to Chicago all the time, we hoped it would not be too bad. The flight to Chicago was a breeze and Layla charmed everyone as she always does. We stayed at Matt's parent's house for two days before driving up to NY. We drove at night thinking she would sleep and it would be no big deal...again, we were very, very wrong! Layla would not go to sleep and when she did, she only slept for short periods. In between, she spent quite a bit of time crying. Matthew was exhausted and not used to the nighttime drive that I have been doing my whole life. All in all, the drive up was not what I would call "pleasant."

Once we arrived at the beautiful Great Sacandaga Lake, we had a blast! Layla went swimming for the first time and we enjoyed beautiful weather and time with family. Matthew and I even got to go out to dinner together for the first time since Layla was born. I was so thrilled to spend time with everyone and see family I haven't seen in a decade! We were also able to get five generations of women in my family together (my great grandmother, my grandmother, my mom, myself and Layla). I'm so happy we had the opportunity!

Of course once we were there, we knew we had to get back. After a week of fun in the sun it was time to hit the road again back to Chicago. This time, we decided it might be better for everyone if we did it in two days and stay overnight in Cleveland (about the halfway point). I will say that though Layla was not thrilled with being strapped in her car seat for hours at a time, she tolerated it a little better and we were all more rested. The stop in Cleveland was welcome and irritating at the same time. We booked a hotel suite with two rooms and a living area, so that Tara could have her own room and Matt, Layla and I could share. It was nice to get there and get settled in the room which involved getting toys out for Layla, eating dinner and setting up her pack n' play to sleep in. We took care of all of that before it got too late and were just about to give Layla a bath when Matt noticed a HUGE wasp on the ceiling. We all ducked for cover while he called the front desk. They sent someone up right away...WITH A CAN OF TOXIC WASP KILLING SPRAY! Yeah, spray that in the same room that my baby is playing on the floor, I'm sure that'll be good for her tiny lungs! IDIOTS! After some arguing and another call to the front desk, Matt and the guy they sent up were able to kill it with a shoe. Yay, crisis averted, right? Not! We took a walk around the room and found dead wasps near all of the windows...this clearly was not going to work for me. I called the front desk again and told them we needed a new room. Luckily they had no trouble with that and even gave us a discount. The unfortunate part was now it was about an hour after Layla's bed time and we had to repack EVERYTHING, move it and then unpack it all again. By this point, I was sooooo over Cleveland...

The next day we got back on the road, much to Layla's dismay, but got back to Chicago in one piece with most of our sanity. The following day we were to get on a plane back to Seattle. By this time, I just wanted to be home. Of course our flight was delayed two and a half hours (because apparently I angered the travel gods at some point and was now going to pay dearly), so by the time we were in the air Layla was running a fever and not well at all. Mid-flight she got sick. All. over. me. I, being the prepared Mommy I am, packed extra clothes for both of us in my carry-on. I got us all changed and she went to sleep. When she woke up about a half hour later I figured she would be feeling better. No such luck. She projectile vomited all over herself and me, again. Then she passed out. I was so done, I just lost it. I was sobbing, covered in puke, holding my sleeping baby while the drunk chick in our row insisted on touching her. I remained that way for the last two hours of the flight. Awesome experience.

We made it home and I survived, thanks to my wonderful husband. Though the vacation itself was lovely, I have vowed never to travel, ever again. Obviously, that is a lot of big talk because we are already talking about our family vacation next year, but for now I take comfort in the fact that I don't have to roam any further than the back yard for at least the next six months if I so choose :)

So Many Milestones, So Little Time to Blog About It

The summer is flying by and I have yet to accomplish even half of what I set out to do. Layla on the other hand, has been very busy knocking things off of her developmental milestone list. In the last couple of months she has started crawling and eating table food, cut her first tooth, pulling up and walking with help and she said her first word. All of these things seem to happen in spurts but they are coming closer together. It has been quite an adventure for Matthew and I as each new milestone means changes for us...some more welcome than others.

Once Layla became mobile we ran right out to buy baby-proofing supplies to outfit our hazard filled house so that she would be safe. Lesson learned: there is NO SUCH THING as "safe" when it comes to a crawling baby. Gone are the days when we put Layla down and she stayed in one place or even the same general area. If I turn away for a second, she is across the room. Matt and I are vigilant parents and make it a point to be very present when dealing with our child so she never gets far and has not suffered anything more than typical bumps you would expect from a newly mobile baby. However, I will say that we did have one major scare and unfortunately, it was ALL MY FAULT! Long story short, while on vacation in NY (more on that in a future post) I was extremely overtired and distracted and while changing Layla on a bed, I completely lost my head and stepped away from her to answer a ringing phone. Now, I have to stop right here and say that I have ALWAYS said that I cannot understand how stupid parents can be when they leave their children, at any age, unattended. It sickens me when accidents happen that were easily prevented if the parents would just pay attention.

I of course, was forced to eat my words and officially felt like the ABSOLUTE worst parent in the entire world! Layla did take a tumble off the bed and landed on the floor. God must have been watching out for her (since clearly my mind was gone), because thankfully, she went feet down and was not hurt in any way. Not a bump or bruise, nothing! She was scared but that was about it. I, on the other hand, was so far from OK, it took me days to recover and even now, writing about it is giving me anxiety. I ran as fast as my feet have ever carried me, back to her and scooped her up. I checked her out and then could not bring myself to let her go. I cried and sobbed and was pretty much inconsolable. I could not believe I had done that and I felt like the worst parent ever. Luckily, I was surrounded by my wonderful husband and family who all told me that it was just an accident and that Layla was fine. Then, all of the moms in my family told me their own stories of distracted parenting that resulted in a traumatic moment, from accidentally letting their child fall off the couch, to searching the house in vain for the child that they were carrying on their hip, to falling asleep while rocking their baby and waking up to find her hanging an inch from the floor. Apparently, it happens to all of us at some point or another and it just reminds us of just how vigilant we need to be at all times. For the record, I do not even allow the ringers to be on in my house, so leave a message....

In other (and less traumatizing) milestone news, Layla has begun eating table food, though she will not feed herself. If I put it in her mouth she will eat cheese, bread, crackers, cheerios, beans, pasta and potatoes. It has been interesting to watch her explore new foods but at the same time, it makes it that much more difficult for us to eat in front of her. She wants absolutely everything that we have and she does not understand that there are some things her little gums are not ready for, like raw veggies. I only hope that she is still interested when she has the teeth to chew them up :)

Speaking of teeth, the first one has made it's appearance and it's SHARP! Our little chewing angel baby is now a vicious beast with a weapon in her mouth. I would imagine that it does not feel very good and that there are more on the way which is causing all of this ferocious biting but either way...it hurts! She is chewing on anything and everything but apparently Mommy and Daddy taste better. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to this phase being over.

Watching Layla go through all of these changes is exciting but also sad for me. She is growing up so fast and I know that little baby will soon be too busy to let Mommy hold her for hours. I am assuming she senses my sadness and therefore gave me a wonderful memory to treasure forever...her first word, "mama." She has been babbling a lot lately saying "babababaaa" so I assumed that "mama" or "dada" would be soon to follow, I just wasn't sure which would come first. While we were on vacation during bathtime (so luckily Daddy was in the room) she held out her arms to me and said "mama." I was overjoyed and have felt the same way every time she has said it since. She does not say it often yet but I'm sure it will come with time. I am now working on "dada" with her so that Matthew will know that amazing feeling as well!

The good, the bad, the scary and upsetting, the heartwarming and amazing...raising our daughter continues to be an adventure and I wouldn't trade it for the world!

A Day In the Life of A Typical Mom, Or Maybe It's Just Me

One of the wonderful things about being a stay at home mom is that my job(and it is ABSOLUTELY a job) is never the same. Each day is drastically different from the one before. Of course we do have a routine that we follow(key to survival with children) but nothing is set is stone and the unexpected almost always happens. I had a particularly eventful day this week and it made me wonder if other moms have days like these...

I started the day as I always do bright and early with my little pumpkin. We get up watch cartoons, eat breakfast, get ready for the day and eventually go down for a morning nap. Layla has really got the morning nap down, it usually lasts for an hour or two depending on what time she got up in the morning. I can typically take a shower, get completely ready for the day and do a few chores before she wakes up. On this particular day, for whatever reason, she woke up after a whopping 31 minutes. I of course, was in the middle of my shower when she started crying and I was completely thrown off. I rushed to get done so I could go get her and I think that was pretty much the beginning of the end for me.

From that point on, the rest of the day seemed stressful. I had to go shopping and wanted to get it out of the way but Layla needed to be breastfed before we went, so I hurried to get that done and out the door. I was very proud of the fact that the shopping trip was quick and Layla remained awake in the car and in a good mood. Of course when I got home and put her down on the floor to play, I couldn't help but notice that when I was not holding her and did not have a diaper bag on my shoulder that I felt oddly exposed. I looked down and discovered that in my haste to get out of the house quickly, post-breastfeed, I failed to pull my bra back up and clasp it before jetting off. So, though my shirt covered me completely, I did several laps around Fred Meyer with one milk jug uncapped...awesome. I decided to spend the rest of the day playing on the floor with Layla as she practices crawling(she's very shaky but she can do it), since leaving the house was clearly not a good idea.

I should probably mention at this point that our cat Saber(we have two, a skinny, sweet one - Renegade and a fat, crazy one - Saber) had surgery last week and is currently recovering in our upstairs closet that has been cleaned out and fitted with a baby gate in front of the door. He is wearing the "cone of shame" but has been pretty low maintenance for the most part. I go up and check on him a couple times a day and he has been doing just fine, that is, until now.

I took a break from playing with Layla to run upstairs and close the window in the room that Saber was in because it had started to rain. I left Layla safe and secure playing on the floor in my room where I knew she could not get into anything. As soon as I opened the door to the room we have him quarantined in, the smell of poop smacked me in the face. This distracted me momentarily from the waterfall that was pouring in the window(I was too late anyway). So after I closed the window I went over and looked in the closet where Saber was happily rolling on the floor. Obviously he had pooped in the cat box and left it right on top in all its glory, but I had completely forgotten that because there was blood all over the floor and the box and the "cone of shame" and Saber! I had no idea of what to do! He seemed fine but the closet looked like a scene from a horror movie.

I ran back downstairs and grabbed my phone. Layla was fine on the floor so I ran back upstairs dialing Matthew at work. Of course the second I left the room without acknowledging her, Layla had a screaming fit. So now, I am on the phone with my husband who is at work, looking at a room covered in blood with a fat, happy cat in the middle, while my sweet baby screams like she is in mortal danger. I very quickly and dramatically yelled to Matt that Saber was bleeding and "WHAT DO I DO?! WHAT DO I DO?!" He very calmly began explaining that Saber had probably just opened up a scab and would be just fine and to check to see if he was still bleeding. As I bent down to check him out, he reared up on his hind legs and used his front paws to very smoothly pull off the "cone of shame." WTF! NOW WHAT DO I DO?!!!

Baby still screaming, check! Floor that I'm standing on covered in blood, check! Room still reeking of poop, check! Psycho cat now completely unleashed, check!

After a few seconds of not so deep breathing(it smelled really bad), I got a hold of my senses and sprang into action. Saber was no longer bleeding and was in fact, fine, so I wrestled him to the floor and reattached the "cone" as best I could. Then I ran back downstairs and told Layla "Mommy will be right back," which to her meant jack so she continued to scream. I grabbed a bag and a scooper and ran back up to remove his mountain of poo that he didn't feel like burying and dispose of it. I then ran back downstairs and scooped up my little drama queen who squealed with delight...faker. I collapsed on the floor sweaty, tired, and completely out of breath. Layla could tell I was having a rough day and did her best to comfort me with a spoon to the eye. Thanks pumpkin, Mommy is all better now :)

Worrying Gives You Wrinkles, Smiling Gives You...Wrinkles

The last several weeks have been packed with activity, worry and joy. I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster. To start, I celebrated my first Mother's Day with my wonderful hubby and daughter. Matthew got up with Layla at 6:30am and let me sleep until almost 8:00! He made yummy cinnamon rolls for breakfast and let me take a morning nap (unfortunately I was fighting a migraine all day). We then packed up the kiddo and headed out in the unusually gorgeous weather and had a lovely picnic near the water. Matt also cooked dinner and we had a very relaxing evening together. It was a perfect first Mother's Day, which I think he will live to regret, because now he has to try to keep it up in the years to come :)

Of course you couldn't have all of that wonderful with out some sort of stress and ours came in a very scary form. While getting Layla ready for dinner one night (aka stripping her down to her diaper because she prefers to wear her food before she eats it), Matt noticed a sizable lump on her back. Of course I immediately started thinking of all of the horrible things that it could be, which is never a good thing, and by the time I called the stand-in-doctor(SID - our doctor is still on maternity leave) in the morning my blood pressure must have been off the charts! The SID said that she was pretty sure it was a lipoma(a fatty deposit, that is totally benign), but to be sure she told me to call and schedule an ultrasound to get it checked out. I felt a little better but because she wasn't sure, how could I be?

So I called to schedule the ultrasound as soon as I got home but apparently the month of May is particularly busy with people with weird ailments in radiology at the hospital. Side note - I completely HATED the fact that I had to go back to the hospital where I spent 2 miserable weeks after almost kicking the bucket while having Layla, but then to have the exact same radiologist that I had the day she was born(the guy that informed me she was breech) was just the icing on the cake. He kept looking at me like "do I know you from somewhere? have I seen you before?" Let's just say I was happy to get the heck outta there! Anyway, I had to schedule it a week out so I worried for an entire week, then after they looked at the results, I was finally able to breath a sigh of relief. It is in fact a lipoma(based on what they could see, nothing is 100% unless biopsied) and required no further action. Yay! I could finally relax and destress, which was important as the worry lines are becoming more permanent on my face! I'm only 26!!!

Everything was swell again and we could move on...or so I thought. That of course was until our SID called us and LEFT A MESSAGE, that she was referring us to Children's Hospital to meet with surgeons to see about removing the lipoma. First of all, who leaves that in a voicemail?! Second of all, who leaves that in a voicemail when you are then going to be unavailable for the next 3 days?! I was beyond frustrated and upset. I was under the impression that everything was fine and now you are telling me that my sweet, perfect little baby is going to have to be knocked out and cut open?! Not cool. Oh yeah, not to mention, that this was all playing out a couple of days before we were supposed to head home to Chicago.

We finally were able to talk to the SID and she said that it was not urgent that we get it done, but to schedule an appt for when we returned. Again with the waiting! After being home for just over a week, in the insane Chicago heat, we returned and went to our appt at Children's. The surgeon that we met with was very nice and said that he was pretty sure it was just a lipoma and that there were pros and cons to removing it and leaving it. He basically gave us all of the information and told us it was up to us...great. I was really hoping he would simply say it didn't need to come out and she would be just fine...no such luck. So now Matthew and I have to figure out what we would like to do. It is not an easy decision to make, however we have some time and I am trying not to worry to much.

In doing so, I am making an effort to really enjoy Layla, who is very close to crawling and has recently started pulling up on things. She has decided that she would rather stand than anything else, it is quite the battle to get her to bend her knees anymore. Standing is where it's at, too bad she doesn't have that balance thing down yet. She is incredibly amusing and I have done a lot of smiling. Though at this rate, I'm pretty sure that smile or worry, I am going to be one giant wrinkle by the time I'm 30...kids are stressful!

Summer Fun in the Sun...Body Guard Not Included

Summer is approaching...finally and that means getting outside and finding fun activities to broaden my little peanut's horizons. She is now 7 months old and by summer's end will be almost 11 months. There is a lot of growth and development to be had in that short time and I want to be sure to expose her to as much of the great outdoors as possible.

The Pacific Northwest is incredibly beautiful during the summer (it has to be otherwise, why on EARTH would anyone want to live here...ever!?) and I want to show Layla the water and the mountains and the beautiful animals that populate the area. It's exciting that sea lions sun bathe on the beach near my house and that whales frequent the Puget Sound waters and I know that Layla would love to see it all (I suppose that means I'm going to have to overcome my insane fear of whales though...hmm). So the goal for the summer is to get out there and explore!

However, here in lies the problem...my neighborhood has become a ridiculous place filled with trouble-making kids and crime. I loved my neighborhood when we moved in, it was built green and is beautifully manicured with parks and playgrounds. I have great neighbors and our house really feels like home. In recent months though, it has come to the point that I no longer feel safe taking my little one for a walk around the block...hell, going to the mailbox is a stressful experience. I am sad that this is what has become of our cute neighborhood and unfortunately means that I will have to venture to other parts of the city to have some summer fun with Layla. That wouldn't be a terrible thing except for the fact that car rides are equivalent to baby downers and she nods off the minute we leave the driveway.

I will persevere though in order to help my little explorer to become one with nature and not cringe at the feel of grass under her toes or cry if she gets a little dirty. I spent the majority of my childhood outside and in my opinion, that's as it should be. I have no desire to perpetuate another generation of couch potatoes, so why not start now. I'll just have to remember all of the necessities: Sunscreen - check! Floppy hat - check! Nutritious snacks - check! Blanket to sit on - check! Bullet proof vest - check! Stun gun - check! All set to go!

Green is Out, Orange is In...Geez Mom!

I know I say this a lot but, time sure does fly when you have a baby! At Layla's last wellness checkup, (yes, we have reached 6 months already) we learned that she is growing quite well. We were also given the green light to start her on strained foods, yum! As a matter of fact, she has gained very little weight between her 4 month and her 6 month check-ups and in my humble, motherly opinion, my little peanut needed to start on solid foods a little earlier. This may not be true for all babies, but the hard line doctors are drawing at 6 months is a bit much, every kid is different.

But I digress...

So, as per the guidelines given to us by our substitute doctor (our doctor is actually on maternity leave), we started off with orange veggies; carrots, sweet potatoes and squash introducing them one at a time and giving it a few days before introducing something new. Layla was a champion eater and loved everything we gave her. By "loved" I mean she had no reaction at all other than she ate it and wanted more. I couldn't seem to shovel it in fast enough. I definitely think she was not getting enough to eat before we started the solids. However, when it came time to introduce some green vegetables, my little bottomless pit seemed to have finally felt she was getting enough to eat and therefore allowed herself to become picky. My dreams of a child that would eat anything you presented her were dashed with the first spoonful of pureed peas, resulting in a screaming, kicking temper tantrum. I gave it my best to try to get her to eat them, the famous "airplane" technique, telling her how yummy they are, pretending to eat them and really enjoy it, and I even resorted to feeding them to Matthew (I can't eat the stuff myself, I HATE PEAS!). She was having none of it though. I have tried several times since then and she just won't eat peas, she is also not into spinach. I have a few other green veggies I am going to try and I'm hoping she'll like one of them, otherwise I am going to need some good advice on getting your kid to eat things they find absolutely disgusting.

I have attempted to begin introducing fruit as well and that has also had surprising results. Layla wants nothing to do with bananas and will very begrudgingly eat pears. It will be interesting to see what else she likes, but with the way things have been going, I have a feeling this will be an ongoing battle. Perhaps, I can dye all of her food orange??

Watch Out, She Spits!

"Excuse me, monkey boy! Aqui, over here! Here he comes! And what better way to make your grand entrance on the streets of Agrabah, than riding your very own brand new camel! Watch out, they spit!"

Perhaps Layla should lay off the Disney...

The End of My Pregnancy Journey...

For most women, pregnancy lasts approximately 9 months, give or take a few weeks to include recovery from childbirth. However, since I never seem to be able to do anything the "normal" way, mine has lasted a whopping 14 months and 24 days, from beginning to end including all appointments and treatment from complications. Last Saturday I officially went off of blood thinning medication that I was taking as a result of the blood clots that I developed following my c-section and partial hysterectomy while giving birth to my beautiful baby girl. It has been an extremely long road filled with more ups and downs than I could count.

This whole roller-coaster began in January of 2009 when I became pregnant. I wouldn't call it a planned pregnancy but we had pulled the goalie, so I guess for all intensive purposes...we were expecting to get pregnant at some point. Luckily for us it was very easy and for the most part the pregnancy was a breeze. Our little baby that we affectionately referred to as "Pinot Grigio" was very healthy and grew at a normal rate and I really had no major issues, save the two trips to the hospital for cramping pain, which we later figured out was an unusual side effect of prenatal yoga (that's what I get for trying to be trendy and work out while pregnant). Towards the end, in my third trimester, I developed high blood pressure but it was by no means dangerously high. I was put on modified bed rest so that we could keep in under control. Ten days before my due date I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and delivered.

All in all though, it is not terribly uncommon for these things to happen and I was very fortunate in that the baby was considered at term and there were no risks to her health in delivering her a little early. Obviously, I did not anticipate the complications that occurred during her delivery and was devastated with the result. Oddly though, as time has passed I have grown to take a great deal of comfort in all of the post-care I needed. It was as though I was not done with the pregnancy process and that made it not hurt quite so badly. Since this is the only pregnancy I will ever experience, it is a little sad to see it go. I know that I have several options for having more children, whether it be through a surrogate or adoption, but as any woman who has bore a child can tell you, there is nothing at all that compares to carrying your baby for those wonderful nine months. I can honestly say that even if I had to go through all of that pain to do it again, I would in a heartbeat. Layla is the most precious, wonderful baby and what I wouldn't give to have so many more!

All woe is me-ing aside (yes, I know that is poorly written, but you get the point), I feel that I have grown as a person through this experience and even though I have moments, sometimes whole days, where I wonder why this happened and where I am supposed to go from here, I am exceptionally happy with my wonderful daughter and the life that my husband and I have created for her. We are so very happy with where we are (especially now that we are all getting more sleep) and are looking forward to watching Layla grow and eventually considering expanding our family.

A Teething Baby is a Dangerous Creature

Layla is creeping up on six months (half birthday already, yikes!) and has recently begun teething. Typically you don't see any teeth come through until about the seventh month but they take some time to work their way in. As a result of her new found discomfort, Mommy and Daddy have become little more than chew toys. She is a bit more irritable which is to be expected, however I did not anticipate the lack of comfort she would get from the teething rings that we have. Basically, she will put her mouth on anything and everything she can get her hands on, but apparently they are just not as good as our fingers. She gnaws on our knuckles like a ferocious beast and the screams in between make her seem like a ravenous monster!

Luckily for us, none of these impending teeth have come through yet so we have not really been hurt by her incessant chewing, it just gets a bit sore after a while. I will say though that it is pretty funny to watch... :) Our little pumpkin is well on her way to eating solid foods, how does it happen so fast?!

Exersaucer, Yes Please!

Layla is one active little girl! I can see her frustration at the fact that she can't just get up and go whenever she wants. She has finally got rolling over down to a science and uses it as a way to get around. She does not simply roll back and forth, but continuously to get from one place to another. I swear one of these days she is just going to take off running! Keeping that in mind, Matt and I decided it was time to get her an Exersaucer. For those of you that are not familiar, see the picture and get out of the dark ages...

When we went to pick one out (there are about a million choices), I initially wanted to get something understated and simple. However, Matthew reminded me that the more obnoxious we find a toy to be, the happier it will make Layla. I hated to admit it, but it made sense. So we found the one with the most stuff on it, tons of colors and music and toys. I was slightly concerned that Layla would be over-stimulated in something so busy, but as soon as we put her in it, I knew we had made the right choice. She ever so carefully, explored each part of her new toy and loves it. I love making this little girl happy!

On a more fashionable note, I found a fantastic online store, via Twitter that has the most adorable beanies and headbands. I have had a hard time finding cute things to put on Layla's head that actually stay there. If the Bow Fits to the rescue(@thebowfits)! I bought really cute stuff that she has no complaints about wearing, yay! Who doesn't love giant flowers and bows on their head?!

A First Cold is Not So Hot :(

A few weeks ago Layla and I set out on our very first trip, just the two of us to head home to Chicago for a visit (Matt came about a week later). The flight was definitely a different experience than the one at Christmas. I was dealing with a baby that is two months older and therefore, has a lot more interest in what is going on and gets frustrated with sitting for hours on end much more quickly. All in all though, she was very well behaved and we survived the flight just fine. Of course Layla is such a peach that we had countless strangers stopping by our seat to tell me how adorable she is...like I don't already know :)

It was wonderful to be home visiting my family, however, just before we left Matt and I had accomplished a major goal by getting Layla to sleep through the night. When we arrived home I knew it would be an adjustment period for her especially because it was a new place and Daddy was not around, but I had NO IDEA it would be as difficult as it was. It took Layla over a week to get adjusted to the new surroundings and time zone. I was pretty much on my own because Matt was still in Seattle and my mom was terribly sick with a cold. Then, shortly before Matt arrived, I came down with a cold. Of course I tried my best to keep it from Layla, but it's nearly impossible to keep my distance from her while breastfeeding. By the time we left to head back to Seattle, she had a little cough but I thought she would not get it as badly as I did...I was wrong.

After being home for a day (Layla was very happy to see her crib, btw), her cough got much worse and her nose became a faucet. I have never seen someone look so pathetic, I felt so bad for her, though I'm pretty sure she knows how to work her audience. I have done my very best to comfort her and make her feel better, unfortunately it is a really bad cold that is taking it's sweet time running it's course. She is finally starting to feel a little bit better and was full of smiles today, but she is still wanting to cuddle a lot so I would imagine it will take a few more days. Luckily for me, I am feeling much better and can only hope for the same for Layla very quickly! She was however, very generous and decided to share her cold with Daddy as well...Matt probably has another week of feeling crappy to look forward to :( I think I have managed to deal with the first cold pretty well and though I do not look forward to it, I have a feeling that I will have plenty of snotty noses in my future to deal with, especially once she is socializing with other children. Play groups are really just the place to go to build up your kid's immune system, aren't they? Germ central!

Layla's First Photo Shoot

We have had another successful shoot with Kevin Wong, our wonderful photographer friend, only this time, what Matt and I did was really of little consequence. The entire shoot depended on Kevin's talent and of course the mood of our little Layla. We had planned a Saturday shoot to get Layla's first professional pictures taken as she was already 4 months old! Luckily, our little peanut woke up in a great mood that day and we even managed a nap before Kevin arrived. We had 3 different outfits picked out and were all set to go. The only concern that I had was keeping her outfits spit-up free until we got some pictures taken in them. Layla is a notorious spitter and is always wearing a bib...not really an option for pictures.

It actually worked out pretty well in that we were able to get shots in all of the outfits and Layla puking on them just dictated when it was time to change clothes and locations. We took pictures in her room and our bedroom. It was really fun and relaxed and we really enjoyed it! Of course they turned out beautifully as I knew they would because Kevin is amazing! Our little girl has become quite the ham and has no shortage of smiles for the camera. We also got some great family photos and I can't wait to get them printed and framed for the house. It was a wonderful day and we're so thrilled to have these photos!

Another Little Layla

I am relatively new to the world of Twitter and really only use it to keep up on my celebrity gossip, so as a result, the majority of those that I follow are celebrities. However, in the last week my attention has been focused not on what the celebs are up to and the excitement of Hollywood, but rather it has been on a BEAUTIFUL 2 year old little girl from Houston, who shares my daughter's name and is fighting a terrible battle against cancer.

I initially learned about her from one of Kim Kardashian's tweets. I then read Layla Grace's story on her mom Shanna's blog and began following her on Twitter. I can honestly say that I broke down and cried with every new tweet. Here I was, nursing my sweet angel Layla Corinne and watching her peaceful, happy face, so thankful to have a healthy little girl and at the same time, completely heartbroken over Layla Grace's struggle and that of her family. Layla Grace suffers from stage 4 Neuroblastoma. Unfortunately, she is coming to the end of her fight and will soon find her way home, but she has made a huge impact on the world in her very short 2 years. She is such a strong little girl and her family has amazing faith. I could not even begin to imagine what they are going through...all I can do is pray for this sweet baby girl and her family and hold on extra tight to my own little one. I will certainly do my very best to cherish every single moment with my Layla and thank God for this wonderful blessing.

I also took the time to order an adorable tutu from LittleDivaTutus.com for my Layla as a portion of the money goes to Layla Grace. I would encourage you all to take the time to read her story at http://laylagrace.org and go order a tutu for a cute little girl in your life from www.littledivatutus.com to help her family with the enormous medical expenses.

Children are such a blessing and there is something special about little girls...especially the Layla's...

My Daughter Needs a Tip Jar...Apparently

This past weekend Matt and I started sleep training Layla so that she can sleep in her own crib in her own room. This decision was preceded by our 4 month check-up with our doctor who agreed that now is the time to make the transition, especially since I hadn't been sleeping well over the last few months with her in our bed. I knew it was the right thing to do but, I had no idea how hard it would be emotionally to send our sweet little baby packin' to her own room.

We decided to start on Saturday night because that day she had a photo shoot with Kevin (who did our maternity photos) and I did not want a crabby baby for pictures. That first night was brutal putting her down to sleep all by her lonesome in her crib and leaving the room. She slept for a half and hour and then woke up screaming looking for comfort from Mommy like she is used to getting. We used the "graduated extinction" method where you let your baby cry in timed intervals gradually increasing the time between going in to soothe them. It was a very long rough night with her waking up every hour, however as time went on, the intervals were shorter before she would fall asleep.

All in all, we made it through the night but by morning we were all incredibly sleep deprived and not feeling well. Matt and I decided to spend the day in sweats and not do anything, despite the fact that it was Superbowl Sunday (yay Saints, btw). We did however, go to Panera for lunch, sweats and all and who knew it would be such a lucrative lunch. When we got there I found a table with Layla and Matt ordered our food. As we ate we took turns holding her, as she is simply not satisfied sitting in her carseat anymore when we are out to eat. We talked and Layla smiled and looked adorable (as usual) and as we were finishing up, the woman sitting at the table by herself behind us puts $20 on our table and says that she would like to buy our lunch. I was incredibly confused...did she think we were poor because we were dressed like bums (my iPhone was sitting on the table)? Did she feel bad for us because she thought we were teen parents (a common misconception Matt and I always deal with, we get carded to see R rated movies)? Or was she just trying to do something nice? I told her she did not have to do that and that I could not accept it, however she insisted saying that one look at Layla's big blue eyes and she had to and that I must accept it. She was very insistent so instead of continuing to argue with her, I took the money and will put it towards Layla's college fund (or more realistically, her ever growing wardrobe). It is very nice to know that there are sweet people out there in the world who do generous things for no good reason. I think from now on when we go out in public with Layla, we'll just put a tip jar on the table and see what happens. The kid sure knows how to earn her keep :)

What Would Your Favorite TV Mom Do?

In my case that would be Lorelai Gilmore, unfortunately my kid is not in high school, nor does she know how to talk, so 10 minutes of witty banter to solve all our problems is really not an option...yet! For now, Layla screams and I do my best to figure out what the problem is. I feel I have her mostly figured out, I know when she's hungry, needs a diaper change or is looking for comfort. Of course she has been known to throw me a curve ball here and there and no matter what I do she does not seem happy. Everyday is a learning experience for both of us. She is getting to know me just as much as I am getting to know her. I am having so much fun with her now that she has out-grown the "baby blob" stage. I find myself completely entertained trying to get smiles and giggles out of her. She is so adorable and it seems to be a consensus among everyone that has spent any time with her, that she smiles with her whole face and it is absolutely priceless. Alright, I've done enough gushing for now(though what parent doesn't gush?).

My poor Matthew is having a little trouble with our bundle of joy these days. She clearly loves him and has so much fun playing with him, but when it comes to being calmed down when she is upset, she does nothing but scream at him. She has apparently grown used to my comforting methods since we spend so much time together, so for now, that is what she wants. Though I must say I do take a slight amount of pride in the fact that our daughter has developed an attachment to me, that is where my enthusiasm ends. The simple fact is, sometimes Mommy needs a break to wash my face, brush my teeth...hell, go to the bathroom! I know it will be short-lived so I am trying enjoy it(without letting it show too much, sorry Hubby) since before long, she will be Daddy's little princess, anxiously awaiting his arrival home from work, just as I did with my Dad:)

I have always hoped to have a very close relationship with my daughter, similar to Lorelai and Rory's (minus the single mom status) on Gilmore Girls and I think we are well on our way to that. I know my relationship with my mom is freakishly close, but that's the way I like it and I look forward to the same with Layla. We'll be having conversations at top speed, filled with obscure pop culture references in no time!

Up next on our ever busy calendar is a visit from Uncle Bobby next week. I'm so excited to see him and I know Layla can't wait to make him hold her awkwardly!

The Magical Third Month

We have arrived! Layla is now three months old and according to everyone I know who has children, the third month should bring a reprieve from crying for no apparent reason and more importantly, SLEEP! This magical rule states that when a child reaches 3 months or 12 pounds (Layla is currently a hefty 13 pounds 3 oz) they should start getting a little easier to handle and sleep for longer stretches. Granted, Layla is a seemingly happier, more easy going baby these days...well, more so than before, she is full of smiles and squeals of delight. However, the sleep has not come as easily. She is more than happy to sleep for 3-5 hours at a time if she is next to me, but not more than 30 minutes on her own. I am beginning to think that Layla is going to do things her way regardless of what the books or other experienced parents say.

Layla is also talking up a storm these days, of course Matt and I are clueless as to what she is jabbering on about but that doesn't seem to matter to her. As long as we smile and talk back she's a happy camper. She is also incredibly active, she kicks and squirms and stands up with minimal support. I swear she is going to skip right over rolling, crawling and walking and go straight to running!

Layla's first Christmas was also a lot of fun! Matt and I celebrated here with her early and then flew home to Chicago to have Christmas with our families. For all of our nervousness about the flight, she was a perfect angel. When we touched down in Chicago the people in front of us even complimented us on our wonderful baby, they had no idea she was sitting behind them :) Go Layla! She is such a joy to us, and everyday seems to be a new adventure full of new discoveries for her. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!