Sure You Can Have a Family...But It'll Cost You.

It has been a long road and a full year of discussion, but Matthew and I have come to the conclusion that we would like to continue to expand our family. We are so enjoying Layla that we don't want this to be our only opportunity to raise a child. I suppose this decision was inevitable considering that we had originally planned on 4 children. We also want Layla to know the special relationship of siblings. It is something she will not find anywhere else.

The fact that I lost my ability to conceive or carry any more children naturally, is obviously devastating for me, someone who so loved being pregnant. However, I am in the unique position, that I'm young, I still have my ovaries and I have already easily, conceived and given birth to a healthy baby. In the reproductive world this means wonderful things. It means that I can have more biological children fairly easily, assuming we have an appropriate surrogate. This is not the typical scenario for most people facing reproductive challenges.

Our other option is to adopt a child. This is an option that is always available to everyone facing reproductive/fertility problems and it is a wonderful option. However, what people don't realize is that it can be exceptionally costly depending on where you adopt, how you adopt and who you adopt. It's not what I would call easy...

We have been spending a lot of time doing research and weighing our options and during this process, I have learned a lot. I have learned about all of medical and legal aspects, but also about a facet that I never even considered having to deal with...the taboo that is associated with adoption and reproductive assistance. In my humble opinion, the most amazing gift in the world is a child and if these organizations can help bring a child into the lives of those that so want them, then there is nothing better! I just do not understand people that find anything wrong with using the amazing medical technology that we have available to us to conceive or taking in a child that so desperately needs a home. Somehow though, these practices have been slapped with a stigma, that result in quizzical looks, unsupportive mumblings or outright disapproval. What's that about?!

After all of our research and learning that no one option is easier or better than the other, Matt and I have decided that what is best for us, would be to attempt to have another child with the help of a surrogate. So to put it plainly: my egg, Matt's sperm and someone else's oven. With this process we will first need to find the right surrogate(a monumental task in itself) and then I will need to go through IVF treatment to retrieve my eggs in order to make the embryos with Matt's best swimmers and implant them into a surrogate.

Along with all of that, we have the displeasure of dealing with the insurance company. Granted, I will say that when we were dealing with all of my complications from giving birth, I was so very thankful to have good insurance coverage and an insurance company that did not make dealing with all of those bills a nightmare. Matthew and I actually paid very little out of pocket for what ended up costing well over $100,000. However, the loopholes that the insurance company has at it's disposal to avoid covering things such as infertility are ridiculous! Under our plan there is great coverage for many infertility treatments (which, just about anyone could guess, is very costly). The problem is that there are two exceptions, one: if you have been voluntarily sterilized(duh, that is kind of obvious) and two: if you have had a hysterectomy. This is where I have a HUGE problem. As most people familiar with my situation know, my uterus was removed during my c-section as a result of uncontrollable bleeding. The doctor could either remove my uterus or I would have bled to death. It was devastating, but I am very thankful that I am still here.

This is something that is not allowed, according to the insurance company. I have been rejected for coverage. Fortunately, there is an appeals process and I fully intend to appeal this as I feel my situation does not fall under their blanket rule of "no coverage if you've had a hysterectomy." I certainly did not choose this for myself. Here's hoping that they will see how important this is to us and help to make our dream of more children come true. There are good people in the insurance business, right?!